Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way by Bruce Campbell

Author:Bruce Campbell [Campbell, Bruce]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Entertainment, Groovy, Bruce Campbell, Film Industry, B Movies, Craig Sanborn
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Published: 2015-09-30T23:00:00+00:00

11

Dial “M” for Marriage

The crick in my neck from sleeping in the hallway didn’t keep me from meeting with Mike in New York the next day. The message on my voice mail was simply that Mike wanted to “talk.” Being naturally paranoid, I assumed that I had done something wrong, and booked the earliest flight available.

“Thanks for coming, Bruce. Have a seat.”

Mike had this infuriating way of being both cordial and demanding at the same time, but he never had to tell me twice. I sat in a plush chair to one side of his desk.

“Two things. First, thanks for Vegas,” Mike said, choosing to remain standing. “Whatever the hell you and Richard did there worked wonders. Richard called me in the middle of the night, exploding with ideas. He’s like a kid again. Second, and the main reason why I wanted to talk to you: have you had your ‘woohoo’ moment yet?”

“My...‘woohoo’ moment?” I asked, missing his point.

“Yeah. The big breakthrough — the moment when you’ve skinned the character alive and you finally see what’s inside.”

“Well, uh, I could lie to you, Mike, but no, I haven’t exactly had that moment yet. I didn’t know I was supposed to.”

Mike took a few commanding steps toward me. He’s not a big guy, but he carries himself well. “I don’t want a woohoo-less actor in my cast, Bruce. We’re getting damn close to shooting, and I want my actors to know where their characters came from, where they’re going, and how they got there. Once that portrayal is committed to film, we’re all going to have to live with it.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, sheepishly.

“Now get out there and find your woohoo moment!”

Mike made his point: I had fallen short, again. Foyl was supposed to be a relationship expert. He was happily married and a font of wisdom on that particular topic. I’m on marriage number two, and though I have been joined in matrimony for 18.5 years collectively, it doesn’t mean I know the first thing about it.

I knew a horse wrangler one time who had the perfect plan for avoiding the institution of marriage altogether: “You treat ’em [women] real good until you hear ’em talkin’ about getting married. When this happens, you gotta do something shitty — I mean really shitty — out of nowhere. It’ll take ’em awhile to get back to marriage talk after that, and if they do, you just do it all over again. It’s kept me out of marriage for years.”

I couldn’t envision Foyl Whipple dispensing that same advice to Richard Gere. For the sake of Let’s Make Love! — and perhaps my career — I decided to crawl back into the womb of marriage and experience it with new eyes. I hadn’t said a vow in fourteen years, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to get some insight from the pros.

• • •

“Let me get this straight, Mr. Campbell, you want to work with us as a wedding planner, but just for one wedding? Isn’t that a little unusual?”

“I’m an actor,” I said.

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